Dus ka Dum

Today morning I was talking to a friend from USA. He asked me “how do you pamper yourself?”

My answer was “Pamper = read, write, do nothing at times and travel at times. If I don’t do the first 2 I get into depression” Honestly the fourth one is not happening much and that is something that I am pretty unhappy about. I need to pull up my socks and do something about it. When? I don't know. A friend told me, most of the times my responses are "I don't know" but that is what it is what can I do? when I don't know I simply say I don't know. When I know I will surely say I know :) Writing this makes me wonder. Am I this confused a soul? (let me park it for later)

Prelude

Pulling back - My answer was “Pamper = read, write, do nothing at times and travel at times. If I don’t do the first 2 I get into depression” 

This is so true. My last weekend was much drained emotionally, mentally and I got into unnecessary conversations that I feel I could have best avoided. I was feeling sick within. I couldn’t wait for Monday Morning, when I would come to office and during my break write something. I am not talented enough with the art of writing that whenever I want I can write. Something needs to strike me. Not intentionally but unintentionally. It has to come in a flow, like how a river flows with its own essence.

So today I was very excited to write but nothing came to my heart that wanted to voice out. So what I did was I was listening to music. Music doesn’t come too often to me. They come to me only in quality not in quantity. In the mean time I was chatting with a friend from Middle East. He asked me “Do you ever work?” He thinks I get dressed up and come to office simply. I do nothing. Sometimes I am listening to music, sometimes I am writing a blog, always I am online on Whatsapp and prompt with responses, so on so forth. So I described him with a pic from Google how one looks with and without music. Now he asked me how I looked at that moment.

PC - Google Images

So I clicked a snap of mine with my laptop camera and did send it to him. Most of my friends and family don't live in my city so I cant catch up with them in physical existence as an when I want. Thanks to whats-app I can send and receive pictures through Whats-app. Its easy and almost real time. I feel close to them and may be they feel close to me.

My Afternoon Date (about whom I have mentioned before) she told me she liked my picture. It was just a boost within that I did the right thing.

Coincidence

After my first set of duties at work I was reading random blogs. I have some of my favorite bloggers. So somewhere I saw this video with renowned authors where they are encouraging people to write and one of them said “You write because some-days that’s the only way you can stay sane” This is so true. I couldn’t agree more. For me if I don’t write I loose out on my sanity. Like it happened last weekend. I didn't write and I think I was loosing out somewhere. Sometimes I share my writings and sometimes when I am not very comfortable with what I wrote I keep Silent. But I write. Few Days back My afternoon Date told me, “Write what you want to, but keep a check on your spellings” The next post I did I was trying to be careful. Later when I re-read my blog I saw so many mistakes that I felt embarrassed that some of my friends already read it with all the mistakes and still applauded. May be that is the beauty of Friendship. No matter what they never stop patting your back. But I have imbibed the awareness. Even in this blog I want to read and re-read at-least a couple of time before I post it and that is exactly what I am doing now. Another friend told me “When I see my blogs that I wrote previously and the ones that I write now, I have emerged as a writer” May be that is what writing does to one. It makes you think well. Categorize well. Articulate well. Me the person is a haphazard one. I am the fraternal twin of Obsessive–compulsive disorder. I live in impulse and I choose to do that. I am too predictable at times and too unpredictable at others. I mix being upfront and insensitive. But that is how I am. I can’t change myself forcefully. That will be utter mess. But writing has started giving me some clarity.

Ten and Go

As a kid when we used to play Chupa Chupi (Hide and Seek) the one who had to seek, had to keep their eyes closed till the count of 10 and all the ones who had to hide, had to search their best den by then. As a toddler the number 10 came as some milestone, some completion and some success. And today I see I have finished 10 posts in my blog and it feels like an achievement. I have 10 stories to tell to people. In one of my whats-app group a friend said, "Payal needs to write 10 blogs" and that is when it struck me to check how many actually have I written. I didn’t tell him I am already done with 10 but may be now I should look for 100 or 110. I have not thought about it what should be my next milestone. But this day I secretly celebrate my 10 writings of the blog.

The best part of having a blog is it’s so secretive. It’s like you are in a crowd and you can still whisper in the special ones ear and say “I love you” For me my blog is almost like that. I never post them on Facebook. I keep it here and I share it with people I want to.

New Born

Everyday something is born and today is a friend’s and fellow colleague’s Blog is born. I did pester him to write from yesterday. I know he writes well. He has a very good comprehending power. And I feel if he is not writing in a structured format a lot of people are going to loose out on his story telling capacity and he is loosing out from the joy of writing. I was ones pursued by my Afternoon Date to write and now I have given the baton to someone else. There is a oneness between all writers I feel. May be I will never write a book, may be no one will read my writing other than few of my friends, but my joy lies in "Just Writing". I remember one day I had seen an unknown person to comment on my blog. I went and checked his profile and his blog. I kept on looking at his blog page for a long time. I kept thinking someone somewhere whom I don’t know has taken the time out to read my blog. I felt ecstatic. What more can I ask from God. Thrilled!

PS: So now I have my 11^th post today :)